Rejection led to my why

 

Below is the sermon I preached on October 8, 2023, at Bethany Lutheran Church in Crystal Lake, IL. The Gospel for the day was Matthew 21:33-46, you can read it here. 

To watch a video recording of the entire service, you can watch it via Bethany's Facebook page or here. My sermon starts around 7:20. 

A note, there might be grammatical errors or missing words, I don't edit the sermons I preach and often do not read word for word. 

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Grace, peace, and mercy be to you from God our Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer. Amen. 

Rejection. 

The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc. 

Simply put, rejection is being told no, having a door closed, and an opportunity taken away from you. Rejection is something that we face daily, as humans we have the choice to go after what we want, to strive to do better, and to attempt to make the world as we know it a better place. 

When we strive to be better than we are right now, we face the possibility of rejection, the possibility that not only the idea or the action is rejected but that we will be rejected as a person, as a child of God. 

I imagine that everyone gathered here and listening online, has experienced rejection before. Maybe it was something small, something that was easy to shrug off. Maybe it was something more, something that still stings when it is brought up. Whatever it is, we can agree that rejection hurts, and even when we do our best to avoid rejection, we experience it as part of being human. 

For me, rejection was something I didn’t deal a whole lot with until later in my life. Growing up, I was popular, I had great friends, and was accepted into almost everything I did. I remember a few times being turned down for things, but they aren’t things I ever cried about. 

I was elected to the Student Council, got accepted into every college I applied to, and made captain of my sports teams, I was living life to its fullest. 

Rejection was still part of my life, there were times when I didn’t get hired for a job or didn’t get the role I wanted in the play. Most of the time, being rejected was something I took on the chin, it was things that were easy to shrug off, being rejected wasn’t something that was attacking who I was as a person. The rejection I faced growing up was because of circumstances that were out of my control but being rejected simply because of who you are is a whole different thing. 

There was a period of my life, that every time I faced rejection the answer was clear of why I was being rejected. It wasn’t something that others could outright say but you could tell that I was being rejected, being turned away because I am choosing to live as my authentic self, as someone who refuses to let the closet win. 

When I first came out as transgender, almost 10 years ago, I could never imagine the experiences I would have that would change my view on a lot of things. At first, it seemed that I was living in a community, a society that was ready and willing to accept me. In those first few months of coming out, the fear of being rejected was diminishing the more and more I was accepted. I didn’t experience the loss of friends, jobs, or even opportunities when I first came out, it left me with a sense of false hope for what would come. 

The first time I remember being rejected because I am transgender was during my summer working as a chaplain in a hospital back home in Colorado.

Everything at first seemed great, I was living at home and finding love after many years away, the hospital administration knew the right things to say and do to make me feel accepted, my colleagues were seeing me as I hoped they were, I was able to embrace who I was in a professional setting. As we neared the end of the summer, one of the last assignments was to do one-on-one listening sessions with another classmate. 

The session happened, I thought the conversation was good and that there was a level of acceptance that I didn’t feel before. Afterward, my classmate invited me to grab a coffee before we had to see patients for the rest of the day, I agreed but didn’t realize the rejection that I would face. In a matter of minutes, I was told, by my classmate, that he couldn’t understand how I could be a pastor if I was living my life this way. I pushed, being curious I wanted to know what he meant, and where he was coming from. He continued, citing how God created man and women, and that being transgender, living my truth, was living against God. He rejected me, right then and right there, because of who I was. 

Maybe it was my experiences prior that left me open to the hurt I faced or maybe it was my belief in the good that everyone has. I wish I could say that was the only time I faced rejection in the church for who I am, but it was the first of a long road of rejection that really shook me to my core and had me questioning not only my call but who God was and what God was doing. 

To this day, I can’t grasp the number of times I was rejected in the church because of who I am, from internship to supply preaching to the first call, I was continually told in one space that I was called, and in all other spaces doors were shut and opportunities were taken away. 

When you face that type of rejection, there are days you want to just throw your hands up and quit, find space and places, and people that not only say they accept you but show you that they accept you for you through their actions. 

During a span of 555 days, I faced rejection after rejection, it seemed that everything I was going for, was being taken away from me. In those days, there wasn’t much I could do, I questioned a lot of what was happening, wondered if it was worth it, and tried to figure out if the day I would be called pastor would ever come. I began questioning what my why was, why was I staying in a process that was leading to so much hurt? Why was I trusting in an institution that said one thing but did another? Why did it feel like this was God rejecting me for choosing to live?

The questions I asked myself and my friends during those 555 days are questions I never got answers to, never got closure to. The only thing that was staying constant during those long days of rejection was the promise of the table, the promise of the resurrection, the hope that God is at work and that this pain will be turned into something new, something beautiful. 

It was in those 555 days that I began to feel like I was the vineyard owner from our Gospel today. You know the one who leased out his vineyard and when it came time to pay, the tenants killed anyone the owner sent, even the owner’s own son. 

Now I don’t own any vineyards and I don’t own people or have children, but I felt like every time I put myself out there, whether when I went on internship or when I put my paperwork in for a congregation, I would be killed, I would be turned away and left with nothing else. 

At times it even felt like the one who created me, the one who called me to this path was rejecting me, telling me I got it wrong. 

Even in the worst of my rejection, the reminder from the Gospel came true, “the stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone…”

Jesus is using this parable to remind us that being rejected is not something that God is doing, it is something humans are doing to one another. Jesus has come to turn everything upside down, he has come to suffer, to be crucified, for what? For us to reject the love that has been poured out? For us to reject God’s beloved Children when they come eager to the table?

Jesus came, in extraordinary ways to show that God is not one to take things lightly, God is not one to reject who we are. Jesus taught the harsh truth of being Christian, of following two masters. Jesus not only talked the talk but walked the walk. The reality of what Jesus is saying is that the way the church was and still is acting goes against what God is doing and calling them to do. 

What kind of church are we? Are you the kind that would reject the ones that God sends? Or are you the ones open to seeing how God is using the people God sends you?

I am thankful every day that I have found a church, a community, a family that trusts in the promises of baptism, trusts in the hope of the resurrection, trust that the broken and hurting are the invited guests to Christ’s table. 

Being rejected by the church, both small c and big C, is not something that is easy to shrug off. Being rejected by something you have given your entire life to makes it feel like you are rejected by God, the one who created each of us out of nothing, who sent Jesus to die for us. 

But even when it feels that God is rejecting us, we are reminded that on the cross, Jesus gave himself for us. Jesus set the table and sent our invitation that no one could ever take way. It is easy to think that God abandoned you in the face of rejection, but I am here, proof that even in the worst of moments, God is alive and active and calling us to new things. 

It has been 1,493 days since I gathered with my chosen family, those who are still figuring out how to accept me, and those who have always loved me. It was in that moment, when the stole was resting on my shoulders, that I realized the rejection I faced was never going to be something I forget, but it is going to be what leads me forward, what guides me. In the process of healing from my past rejections, I began to understand my why. 

My why is not to keep the status quo, to hide who I am, and to accept less than I am worth. My why is to be proud of who I am and where I came from. My why is to be authentic, to not only trust in the hope of the resurrection but to live out the love that has been poured on to me. My why is to walk with the hurting, the ones who have walked away from the church, to remind them that the church, is just a building, a church is not who God is. 

Beloved ones, I know the pain of rejection, the pain of feeling not good enough, but I am here to tell you that no matter the rejection you faced, no matter the pain and hurt, you are called by God for good, you are loved by God today and every day, the promise of the body and blood is for you in your brokenness and in your joy. Rejection will come and go, but God never leaves you and God is at work in you, trust in that. 

Amen.